Go Deeper: Do We Need Rediscovery Retrouvaille?

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It took us years to finally attend Rediscovery Retrouvaille. Looking back, I wish we had gone when we first heard about it, but we were always too busy, we had a million excuses and we were definitely in denial about how bad things really were. 

The breakdown in our marriage didn’t happen overnight— it was a long, painful road that slowly wore us down. Over the years, Ray and I hurt each other more times than we could count. We didn’t have the tools or the skills to resolve conflict. We didn’t know how to express our feelings in a way the other could understand, so the hurt just kept building.

For me, years of doing everything on my own and convincing myself I didn’t need help created a deep divide between us. And for Ray, the increased demands of life made him gradually stop doing the small daily things that once made us feel connected— asking how my day was, surprising me with my favorite take-out, or offering to help with the kids so I could breathe for a moment.

Eventually, he stopped showing that he cared at all. His indifference spoke louder than any argument ever could.

During our New England Retrouvaille weekend, using the tools we were taught, Ray was finally able to face the truth about his pattern of shutting down.  It changed everything.  I learned to react gently,  forgive him and learn to trust him to be there for me. He’ll be the first to say he isn’t perfect—he still gets angry, and old habits sometimes return—but now he recognizes his behavior, and we can talk rationally instead of spiraling into fights.

Today, our marriage is better than we ever imagined it could be. We communicate more openly, resolve problems before they turn into something bigger, and actually understand each other in a way we never did before.

Walking into that room on a Friday night five years ago was the best decision we ever made.

Jen & Ray

My husband and I attended a Retrouvaille New England Weekend more than ten years ago. Our marriage was on life support. I had discovered that my husband had been having an affair for over 18 months. I was devastated… but I also knew I didn’t want my children to relive what I had gone through when my own parents divorced.

Having been divorced once before — something I deeply regretted — I was determined not to go through it a second time if there was any chance, any hope, that our marriage could be saved. I found Retrouvaille online during a moment of complete desperation, searching for even the smallest bit of hope.

What we experienced that weekend changed everything.

The stories shared by the presenting couples gave us hope we didn’t think was possible. We no longer felt alone. We realized that others had overcome this and we could too! 

I realized that although I had been married twice — the second time for nearly 20 years — I didn’t fully understand what marriage was meant to be. We believed that being “in love” was enough and that everything would simply work itself out. When things fell apart, I felt like I had failed not once, but twice.

Retrouvaille taught me something life-changing: love isn’t just a feeling — it’s a decision. And even what seems hopelessly broken can be healed.

The couples who led our weekend were so genuine, loving, and vulnerable. Even the priest — and we were not practicing Catholics — showed us compassion as he explained God’s plan for marriage in a way that was gentle and healing. He reminded us that humans often get things wrong, but God is always ready to forgive, and He calls us to forgive one another and live in unity.

We completed all the post-sessions, attended our CORE group, and after we did the work over, time our marriage transformed. Today, after 30 years of marriage, we are closer than we have ever been. The fruits of our efforts are clear and beautiful.

So when people ask, “Does this program really work?” my answer is simple:

Yes. We are living proof. 

And so are the many couples we’ve met who have found hope and healing through Rediscovery Retrouvaille.

Alisa & Todd

 We can’t say enough about the Rediscovery Retrouvaille community and what the program has meant to our marriage. When we arrived for the weekend, we were in a state of deep despair. We had considered separation and divorce more than once and felt unsure there was a way forward.

The skills we learned during our weekend were a true game-changer for our marriage. We are now able to listen to one another and respond with empathy and understanding—something we had lost along the way.

The ongoing support from the incredible couples in the Retrouvaille community has enriched our marriage beyond measure. Today, we feel hopeful, connected, and supported. We truly believe that every married couple could benefit from attending the Retrouvaille weekend and becoming part of this life-giving community.

— Ben & Amanda

 When we think back to our Rediscovery Retrouvaille weekend, we remember how hard it was just to find the emotional energy to even attend. Our communication had reached a breaking point, and our relationship felt overwhelmed by the demands of daily life—work, kids, activities, and responsibilities pulling us in different directions. 

We often felt like we were living separate lives under the same roof. Frustration was constant, and we both felt deeply misunderstood.

Finding this retreat felt like a lifeline to us. We attended the very next weekend offered, and we are so grateful we did.

The weekend itself wasn’t easy—and it certainly wasn’t a magic fix—but it was a huge step in the right direction.

It gave us hope and helped us realize that healing our marriage would require intention, commitment, and prioritizing each other again. We learned the importance of intentional communication and made the decision to make it a regular part of our lives.

The journey hasn’t been perfect. There are moments when it feels like three steps forward and one step back—but we’ve learned to focus on the progress. Recommitting to each other every day has made all the difference.

The post-weekend sessions were incredibly meaningful. The couples we met through Rediscovery Retrouvaille—especially the mentoring couples—have been a true lifeline. Their support, encouragement, and willingness to walk alongside us have helped us stay grounded and hopeful.

The Rediscovery Retrouvaille program reminded us that our marriage is worth the work—and that we are not alone. 

We are deeply thankful for this program and continue to pray for every couple who takes this brave step toward healing.

Kelly & Dan 

 When Daniel and I look back on our early years together, we can see now how slowly and quietly the distance crept in.

I was exhausted from working night shifts, constantly switching between odd hours and caring for our growing family. Daniel was adjusting to being a full-time parent and trying to start a business on the side. Our dreams of a larger family came with heartbreak—multiple miscarriages—and eventually the joy of two more children. But with that joy came more stress, more responsibilities, and more exhaustion.

While our children were thriving, our marriage was not.

We had slipped into a “married singles” lifestyle without even realizing it. We were consumed by tasks, schedules, and survival mode. The arguing became more frequent. Our kids began to feel the tension, and I knew deep down this wasn’t the marriage—or the family life—we wanted.

Years earlier, I had heard about Rediscovery  Retrouvaille. I even called once, but Daniel wasn’t ready, and I didn’t want to go unless we were both on board.

As things got worse and our children grew more anxious about the constant fighting, I gently brought it up again. This time, Daniel agreed. He registered us, and we attended our Rediscovery Retrouvaille Weekend.

We were finally honest with each other, painfully honest at times, about our feelings, hopes, and needs. We committed to learning the dialogue technique. We took every question seriously. Before Retrouvaille, we joke that we only had one tool in our marriage toolbox: a hammer we used to hit each other over the head with. After Retrouvaille, we walked away with actual tools—skills we could use to communicate and reconnect.

And they worked.

One of our daughters, who was away at college during our weekend, wasn’t looking forward to coming home for summer break because she couldn't handle the fighting anymore. But her siblings told her things were different. She came home skeptical—and was genuinely surprised.

When we keep up with daily dialogue, our marriage is in a good place. When we slack off, we feel it. But now we know how to get back on track.

We’ve been intentional about rediscovering common interests. We love traveling together now, and we joke that “Vacation Daniel and Vacation Marissa” are far more fun and loving than the everyday versions of ourselves. We’ve found a warm, supportive community through CORE and a ministry that gives us joy and purpose.

Our journey is still unfolding, but we are closer, stronger, and more hopeful than we’ve been in years. And we believe the changes we’re making now will bless not only our marriage, but our children as well.

Retrouvaille of New England truly helped us find our way back to each other.

Jack & Ellen’s Story

Jack:
When my wife asked me to attend Rediscovery Retrouvaille, I went with an open heart and an open mind. In just three days, I learned more than I had in ten years of counseling. I am happier today than I have been in 35 years. Retrouvaille has truly changed my life.”

Ellen:
“I was a hurting wife. For years, I felt abandoned, lonely, and deeply neglected. My anger slowly turned into bitterness, and then into desperation. I prayed constantly for my husband and for a way to save our marriage.

A trusted friend listened to my heart and suggested two things: marriage counseling and Rediscovery Retrouvaille. We tried counseling, and while it helped some, we still felt miles apart. When my friend sent me information about Retrouvaille and promised to pray for us, I felt a glimmer of hope.

I was desperate, but I prayed again—and it became clear I needed to ask Jack to go. We attended our New England Retrouvaille weekend in 2023. That weekend was, and continues to be, the hope I needed. I realized I was not alone—with God and Retrouvaille, healing was possible.

The program gave me the tools to stay in my marriage. Today, there is peace and love in our home. I’ve learned how to communicate my feelings honestly, and my husband makes himself emotionally available. I feel loved again.”

Jack:
“I was miserable in my marriage and wanted to give up. Even though divorce wasn’t something I believed in, I felt trapped and hopeless. I thought my wife was constantly criticizing me, and I avoided being home whenever I could. We had struggled for years and spent a decade in marriage counseling, which helped us survive—but I believed divorce was inevitable.

When Ellen asked me to attend Retrouvaille, I said yes out of desperation. I truly believed it was our last chance. After just one weekend, I found the love of my life again. I am deeply, madly in love with my wife. This program didn’t just save our marriage—it literally saved my life.”

Together:
“Please go to Rediscovery Retrouvaille with an open mind and be willing to do the work. We truly believe it is worth the effort.”